in the beginning

well I guess I should start telling my journey so that I can help you get through yours. First do not think that this story nor any one else"s will bring less pain to yours. It will not and whoever says it will should not be giving advice until they are more honest with themselves. Your pain from your own situation is real, hurts, and can be felt by no one else but you. Own it so that you can get rid of it!!
I spent the next few days after finding out, sitting in a chair and drinking. Because of course my husband  after hours of talking, yelling, apologizing would and had to get up and go to work leaving me to sit and dream up fantasies in my head about his fairy tale life with his girlfriend. ( Remember now, we love to make it much more romantic than it really is. Even though they cheated they are still dealing with  the other woman, who they are talking, yelling, and apologizing to, also. ) So all day long I would wait until he came home so we could start all over again. Thank the lord this only lasted a few months before we realized we were getting no where and needed counseling to help us heal.
My husband had ended his affair by the time I found out and was trying to figure out how to make the whole thing go away. The problem was, this woman was very young and decided, to keep her man, she needed to have his child. Well, 50 and finding out your going to be a father with a woman young enough to be your daughter was not what he was looking for. He was just looking for, As he says, someone who needed, appreciated and loved him, the way his family used to. Way to lay the guilt somewhere else huh?
So now we not only have to try to fix our marriage, we have to pay child support and as he put it, play the role of grandparents, if I could handle that. Well, Mrs. Fix it decided to be the martyr and show everyone how I could handle that. BIG MISTAKE...!!! After months of shopping for clothes and gifts to show my husband how I could help HIM through this, I realized, I was slowly destroying my relationship because the resentment was building inside me. I was not doing anyone a favor, just tearing myself apart inside.
Lesson to be learned today would be, Do not think that you can fix someone else's mistakes or take on their responsibilities. Even if you decide to stay, let them own their own stuff, and you own yours. Tomorrow I will share with you my mistakes I made with my children in this mess, and how thank god they love me enough to forgive!
Today and everyday,Tell yourself how much you love yourself, enough to heal yourself.

Respect

Well as you can see I decided to take Sunday off and Breathe!! Even though it has been eight years I still get myself in a place where I just need to take a day and think of nothing at all but me!! That is very hard for me to do as I was always putting everything and everyone before myself.... Boy, first mistake in my life. My children, all adults now, have told me that a happy me is a happy them! I was in a marriage with a person who was very controlling, not in a way that was negative, so of course I was happy to give someone the power to lead me and my life. Now mind you, not his fault, Mine, I should never have allowed myself to be or feel the way I did, AND maybe he would have respected me more. You have to respect you and who you are, to be respected. It is now, at times, funny for me (see, there is hope) to think back out how pathetic I was to not have enough belief in myself to loose myself. Not any more, I found me and I finally like me and who I have become!!!!! Going through all this was and at times, still is painful, but has made me a much better me in the end!!!
Go out today and do something for yourself, and start it off with a very Deep Breathe and a smile:-)

finding out

This blog is actually going to be about me along with advise for you, hoping to help you better understand what you are going through and knowing you will survive just as I have.
8 years ago my husband left to go to work and left his email open on our computer. I went down to use it and as I hit the button up popped 'Hello my love"! well before you think you know how I felt let me take you back one year.
I was sitting at home working on a project with another Mom concerning our childrens' Graduation party. ( I have been a stay at home Mom since I was 20 years old so my JOB in our relationship was raising kids, and making and keeping a nice home for our family and making sure my husband was able to live his dream. Which mind you, was my dream to, or so I thought.) when the phone rang and the woman on the other end. (aquaintance but not friend) informed me that my husband was having an affair. Of course my first  reaction was to call him, which I did, and tell him the story. He of course denied everything and I of course believed him. (amazing how we believe in our partners)
so when I saw the email, even though i could not breathe I was not in shock. The next thing I did was, I believe, wrong. I picked up the phone and called him, which gave him time to delete from his computer at work any and everything I could find to help me find the truth. Even though they are cheating it is much more complicated than just that. Ours' turned out to be much more complicated than I originally thought. Damn that phone call!!!!
So, today's message I have for you is if you suspect or know. Stop and think it all through before you react. As you will learn later I wish I would have.
Have a great evening and I will be back tomorrow with more!
Be happy and be wise!!